Thursday, July 06, 2006

why do i always feel like i have to compete with past realtionships?
why do i feel threated by the girls that have come before me?
i hate that feeling. i hate being like this. i know better. its always been my problem with realtionships... yet i keep feeling the same way.

above all i never want him to have to censer himself around me. i want him to be able to tell me everything, even if its about her.. GOD DAMN HER! maybe its because there is always somebody before you who had the power of emotions of your boy... sigh, how strange na,,

Please forgive me, i dont know how to stop being jealous of the past. i know these things arent true with us, and you wont let them happen. you luv me i know,

but my brain is broken.


You are in my world now, Bitch!

[current mood why am i the way i am?]
[listening to bichar kay bhi - call]


mudhosh hon
gum hoon kahin
aao yahan.. yunhi kabhi
khamosh hon, hoon bayqarar
aao yahan, tum ek baar ....




4:47am

0 lend me some sugar.

 

written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -

 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase

calculated distractions

• aZ!
• max
• Aks
• Atif
• Ines
• just iffi
• jaali jojo

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

• You, God, who live next door --If at times, throug...
• Daddy's little girl smells like ashes. Daddy's lit...
• ''jub bhi aankhon mein ashq bhar aye, loug kuch do...
• Gulzar With Punchamda...'Yaad hai baarishon kay di...
• I remember conversations saved for posterity, i fe...
• ah,well.. im not dead! i'll start posting again .....

 

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