Wednesday, August 02, 2006

[listening to dead man walking -mary chapin carpenter]

still not really writing in this thing,
but still am posting now and then hmm?..


i thought we were a perfect ''Friends Forever"

well.. last night i dream about aZ! [[(my f-r-i-e-n-d) "friend" i hope you heard that word before as well, n i hope you know the meaning too. i often repeats the word FRIEND's alphabets n smiles back on me]] it was so fcuking vague but i could see him clearly standing infront of me, just so silent... staring dead right into my eyes.. maybe trying to ask me so many unanswered questions. n then i saw myself moved on without conversing a single word, with dead dried eyes. - n then i woke up this morning holding my pillow so tightly ... didn't want to leave the bed... another broken morning,, ...... i hate myself for thinking about him again n again. i hate the fact that i still am thinking about him.. i hate the fact that i still give a damn when he doesn't...

i want to send back all the chat logs, mails, songs, yahoo offliners n those offliners also...THE offliners he used to write from australia.. though the fact was he was still in haripur (he never told me not even after the years, years after years? haha.. he never knew/shayad never really cared if (what IF?!) i already knew it. maybe i never worht it. im such a priceless bitch,, (thats what you name me when i finally react over? yea. the most wildest me. i was never that folded in covers) .......... .. those hallmark cards i once copied as print-screens, those old, 2004, 2005's comments he used to leave on my blog.. theres still so much to give, to return him back...

i have your each n everything still the same..
but i can't help it.. now i want a change.

shayad you forget i have a face that never lies.


i eat lies..
i had my last supper.
i wonder if i ever ..


nahe.. tum kuch mut kehna.
sssSHhhh ..... koi sunn lay ga. :)


jia,
____________
Untitled -
I've told you lies
Through my teethThrough my eyes
And you saw not through my shields
Everyone else did
Why did you have to trust me so much?
You should have known it would
Come to an end
But you didn't
And now I can't ask
For you to believe me
I've screwed up what was
What is, what could be

So just don't believe me
When I say it's the same.

0 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

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