Monday, July 30, 2007

[i stray alvida -life in a metro]
[i sway thinking n keeping my habbit alive.. ]

She lied awake at night ...

she sits and stares. the blank screen invites words but she can think of none.
she sits. bleeding.
smiling as she traces the pretty new marks he created in her skin.
the pain is comforting in a world that is turning ever more cold and lonely. :)

the screaming is a little quiter now. but there is guilt.
she loathes it and she grits her teeth as she smiles for them, yum.
she knows they are watching, n she tries her best to be a good girl.

she sits, and eating. alone.
she is sad and fat and diappointed.
she does not want to fail again.

too tired to sleep. too much to think about.
thoughts going round and round in her head.
they never make sense.

he lies.
every hour of everyday.
to his friends, to his family, to perfect strangers.
to himself.

he lies, and wonders what she is thinking.

and i can't keep doing that.
i can't keep relying on other people to pick me back off the floor for a couple of days before i fall again. AND I ALWAYS FALL AGAIN!

so im laying low for a while. i don't feel like i belong with YOU at all.

i just don't feel like im good enough for you.

..i have lot of things going round on my head.
and i just can't seem to make sense of any of it. i can't get it written down and out of my mind because everything is fcuking confusing n contradictory. it just turned into disillusioned ramblings.

my head is all over the fckuing place!!
n i just dunno what to do.

stay strong yellowlane!
all my luv to jia...


18:05

0 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

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