Thursday, September 20, 2007

Ever (green)

I was there for you
I was there and I was there and I was there
and you never came
to be there for me

I don't know what to do, now
with this realization
You see, I've lost friends along the way,
like trees lose leaves in the changing seasons,
and I'm tired of it
like sap tires of streaming through a trunk in winter

I want to be an Evergreen,
with friends that stay through the years
A Douglas Fir with deep green needles
stabbing outwards and not in;
jabs of pain and loss,
that's what I get for being Deciduous

My colors change, my leaves disengage and drift away
They pile up in mounds lining my past;
a lost friend here, a lost friend there.
tossed away, ripped off my branches,
sometimes shook off
when they got to be too burdensome

And maybe my branches are too fragile,
my grip on them too tenuous
Maybe these leaves need room to grow and change
that I can't afford them

But I want to be an Evergreen,
ever there and they, ever there and pain
never there but
I'm Deciduous and you have changed colors, no --
You have always been this way;
I simply never saw it before,
never so clear as an October sky

And so, it seems it is not Autumn, now
for you to leave
And so, it is unknown
If you will stay, if I will keep you
Or if you will be one of those leaves that float down
from a laden branch one day in the wrong season

But if you were a Pine needle,
and I an Evergreen,
and you never jabbed me the wrong way...

And maybe I need Pine needles and not Maple leaves
or Oak, if you prefer;
maybe your leaf is not for my tree

It's just that it's hard, to lose another one;
to see the piles lining my past path
like heaps of colorful regret,
drifting along in the winds of change

0 lend me some sugar.

 

written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -

 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase

calculated distractions

• aZ!
• max
• Aks
• Atif
• Ines
• just iffi
• jaali jojo

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

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