Saturday, August 18, 2007

[i stray completely relaxed]
[i sway kabhi yun bhi aa meri ankh mei -jagjit singh]

'Woh bara raheem-o-kareem hai' mujhe yeh sifat bhi ata karay
tujhay bhoolnay ki dua karon.. per dua mein meri aser na ho`

kabhi yun bhi aa meri ankh mein kay meri nazar ko khabar na ho.... :)


-
life tests our limits.
sometimes we deal with situations. sometimes we don't.
it makes us aware of our limits n where they are within ourselves. many times those limits get stretched beyond reasons. sometimes they break.

i have absolutely hit mine so im gonna hermit for a while.

now i can start rearranging the plans to my liking. i know i can't go back n only forward but i can choose my pace. it feels like im getting rid of alot of dead weight in my life. n theres the feeling of cutting ties with people and being formally out of relationships. BLISS! i can't remember what i ever saw in those connections..though rationally i know they were important at one time. - its like they belonged to another person's life.




i have to remember that although i am happy and can very much be proactive with my moods not everyone else can be! ha!

thank you come again. have at!
3:40 am

0 lend me some sugar.

Listen: I am ideally happy. My happiness is a kind of challenge. As I wander along the streets and the squares and the paths by the canal, absently sensing the lips of dampness through my worn soles, I carry proudly my ineffable happiness. The centuries will roll by, and schoolboys will yawn over the history of our upheavals; everything will pass, but my happiness, dear, my happiness will remain, in the moist reflection of a streetlamp, in the cautious bend of stone steps that descend into the canal's black waters, in the smiles of a dancing couple, in everything with which God so generously surrounds human loneliness.


from A Letter That Never Reached Russia
Vladimir Nabokov

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Quote of the day ...

"Even the garden of Eden was jus a big fancy cage," Adam says.
"You'll be a slave the rest of your life unless you bite the apple."

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Sms of the day..

PATHAN ko chiraagh mila..
chiraagh rugra. jin nikla
jinn nay kaha kay 3 wishes batao

Pathan:
1. ek bara sa bungla

2. uss mei khuub doulat'mund loug...


3. mujhe uss mei chowkidaar lugwa dou.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Dear self.

i hate you. i miss you. i wish i didn't care at all. what's wrong with me? you're no good. you always hurt those around you. you lie and deceive. you take what you want, when you want and care very little for anyone but yourself. a selfish, manipulative, uncaring liar is what you are and will always be. i hate that you are an emotional wreck and manipulative. i hate that i have a need to seek you out.


no luv,
yourself.

0 lend me some sugar.

Hey There Delilah
by plain white T's
[download]

Whats It Like In New York City?
Well Ive Been Reading The Weather Report
And Its Looking Pretty Shitty....
Yes It Is
Time Square Is Worse Looking Than You
I Swear Its True

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me


-
thanks for the song xain :)

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Monday, August 13, 2007

Dear hamster,

its hard for me to admit that i miss you. i don't even know if you care. you say you need to sort out your life, but im in your life (or at least i used to be). i wanted to help you with your problems, but then i wonder whether i turned your biggest problem. i wish you would call me, but if you dont i wouldn't be surprised. i need you to realise that i forgive you, but it doesn't change the fact that i am truly hurt.. jst thought i'd let you know how i feel now since i don't know how you feel.


♥
sumbuddy.

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Wednesday, August 08, 2007



[music grace is gone Ω dave mathews band-(the lillywhite sessions)]

its easy to say you know its important to learn to luv yourself before anyone else can. but much easier said than accomplished. each day becomes easier and easier to define myself by my own terms. n as much as i know for a fact that i want to stand on my own for now, and preach to every single person i get close to that i want to be alone!

.. the mind and heart are a funny team. never matching up n always leaving it to you to determine who to listen and who to ignore. i feel like i spend too much time trying to make life easy by trying my best to avoid the mind games.

i wake up every morning wishing to be luved. i want to luv the people i luv without reason, i want to live with no expectations for the same in return. friendships are easily ruined at times, because one person believe in one more than the other. but who said emotions have to be returned? if i luv myself then thats all that matters.

"the only things you learn are the things you tame" but to many people try to control the things they tame. so wheres the balance between standing firm on your own but still leting people in without getting caught?"

i luved them so easy and i luved them so free, so i don't think that heaven will want to luv me.


-
im trying to substitute myself as well, i think. im slacking on phone calls and emails but im putting things together.
im holding it all together.


Poor thing -
I WANT A PHOENIX!!

Ps. n yea, sorrie if i scared you. i just really wanted to do that. hehehe :)

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GIF of the day ...

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"If you can look across the distance without wanting to close it up, if you can own your longing in the same way that you own the beauty of that blue that can never be possessed? For something of this longing will, like the blue of distance, only be relocated, not assuaged, by acquisition and arrival, just as the mountains cease to be blue when you arrive among them and the blue instead tints the next beyond. Somewhere in this is the mystery of why tragedies are more beautiful than comedies and why we take a huge pleasure in the sadness of certain songs and stories. Something is always far away."

Rebecca Solnit - A Field Guide to Getting Lost

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Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

-Derek Walcott

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Mice can relax. Even nesting birds can sing a little more cheerily. Their number one enemy, it seems, is getting so fat he can barely be bothered to get off the sofa for a night's hunting.

source

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Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Sms of the day...

luv is like a bird ..

you hold it tightly, it dies.

you hold it lightly, it flies.

n when you hold it nicely, it shits in your hands..

moral of the msg:
forget luv, just flirt. :)

~*~

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Saturday, August 04, 2007



Roobaru -rang de`basanti

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Thursday, August 02, 2007

MERA DIN CHUPA KISI RAAT MEI
MERI RAAT CHUPPI KISI ZAAT MEI
MERI ZINDAGI KOI RAAZ HAI
KOI RAAZ HAI MERI ZAAT MEI

MEI JAHAN KAHIN BHI BHATAK GAYA
MEI GIRTAY GIRTAY SUNBHAL GAYA
MUJHAY THOKOROO'N SE CHALA PATA
KOI HAATH HAI MERE HAATH MEI ..... `
~*~*~*~


[mood over slept but feeling all the way more energized]
[listening to kabhi alvida na kehna -kabhi alvida na kehna (OST)]

talk to me. im here.

life can be struggle. but you also get rainbows. :)
*hugs*

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written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

stains..