| Friday, September 08, 2006 |
aquarelle
some days the fabric of my existence is like the surface of watercolor paper, it is rough, fibrous, dry and is tortured into thousands of little divots waiting forlornly for the moisture and pigment of color. when i cannot find my own words and hues to fill this pulpy desert, i turn to others. i turn to the thoughts, words and visions of others like a surrogate embryo looking for a host, looking for something that will nourish me in my moments of barrenness.
on days like these, i lose myself in the streams of images of others, wander through the labyrinths of words and sentences of long dead poets and writers, peer back at my scribbled drawings to see how i might have escaped this sort of black hole in times past. moments of comfort come and leave like tides, shifting the willing sand around my mind's ankles. i stare blankly for long expanses at the rippled sand the water leaves behind before i remember that this is normal, that this too, no matter how strange or uncomfortable, will pass, really.
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..so lately i have been in
this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an
understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and
melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im
too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining
about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn
blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .
Terror Alert Level -
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dynasty - |
One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four
crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a
secret
Never to be told
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mantra - |
- Lately...
When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...
But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.
Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....
That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.
-by Azure Ray
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ode to meaning.. |
_________________
One Tree Hill - New
Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.
_________________
Numb by Linkin Park
And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.
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moon phase |
| calculated distractions |
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broken promises .. |
said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya.... "
~*~ current mood ...
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coffee files... |