Thursday, March 22, 2007

Fantasies have to be unrealistic. Because the minute - the second - that you get what you want, you don't - you can't - want it anymore.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[current mood asleep ]
[listenng to kuch iss terhan -atif aslam on the loop, cause thats the only song i have on my miserable HD right now]

Rip me into pieces. The humanity of the whole scene was what was so moving.

i think theres something wrong with me. i find myself extremely tired and pale, no matter how much sleep i get. n i keep having really bizarre dreams as well, and i dont like it. ..

i hope that maybe i can figure it out what i want to do with my life soon. it was asked only a few days ago by my bhai what i wanted to be. not what i was going to gain from my studies because if you ask my family they would say i have wasted these two three years of my life. n yea, ofcourse i have my own reasons to answer then. - i have come across telling me that what im studying will not benefit in life. n this worries me. oh c'mon i don't need a job or money right? im not talkin about it ......

i dont fcuking understand, what am i supposed to know? i think im supposed to figure it out and try as many things as possible to feel how cold the water is before i immerse myself completely. i don't know. do you know? i don't think you do. Fcuk, we are all stuffed!



i hate that i don't know how to completely relax, how to just talk to people, how to have decent relationships. i apologize myself.


6:27am

0 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

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