Friday, November 23, 2007

“Do you still dream of that night?”

Not father in my dreams anymore
but Shahrukh Kahn in that movie,
manly face pinched by that half-pout,

cute as the son whose entreaties
would make his mother
or any woman smile, Shahrukh Kahn

teasing a laugh out from the neighbour’s
daughter whom he loves.
Mr Devdas in my bed and not

father upon me, whispering:
Don’t worry, don’t move, this won’t
hurt, ok? No longer

that initial horror, but simply
shock dissipating
quickly into pleasure, an echo

of love numbing the mind, occluding
shame. The first time, I remember,
I failed to cry, because as far

as I could see, that night,
there was no cause, only
a car’s passing headlight

piercing the unmetaphorical
dark of a boy’s bedroom.
A curious hunger

spent, balled up in tissue paper
he forgot to discard, left on the floor,
the smell of it

staining the air, the present, and
future remembrances
of those long, wakeful hours. Not

Shahrukh, but father
cleaning me up now, his face
crumpled by that grimace,

a constant hiss between his teeth,
rubbing tissue across my stomach,
his hand a wet clamp on my thigh.

Not even mummy, ok?
And not any of your friends...
Look at me on the bed,

this boy stripped of sleep, under
a man who insisted he loved him
again and again

till there was no choice but to feel it
surge from the centre of him,
springing free like an animal out of a fire.



- Cyril Wong (Copyright 2007)

0 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

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MYSTERY CARROT AWARD
MYSTERY CARROT AWARD
for website adequacy

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