Thursday, December 13, 2007

"Woke up with a full realisation that I had never been human in all my life. By that I mean I never reacted naturally according to my emotions. Of course, it was self-protection, which I rationalised as human: not to hurt others. Cruelty, cheapness, meanness, that is human. Human is evil. Being jealous, indiscreet, possessive, lazy and dependent, exploiting others, that is human. Having compassion and understanding, patience and helping others, all of which is considered human, is ideological goodness. Faithfulness in love is unnatural. Not only god and religion, immortality and morality, is man-made ideology, but love too. The man who acts in reality like a woman - who is a woman following her instincts, he alone is human. It is not because he is evil that the woman likes the "bad man" but because he is natural. It would be more human to throw away all therapy and to be free, not to be bad but to be human, natural. The self-denial which is necessary in order to be good, human, is denial of the bad natural self and is therefore not a sacrifice at all but self-protection, and it is the most selfish thing of all. On the other hand the seeming sacrifice for others is really domination, protection against being too human, and is still giving in to badness by still pretending one is good."

The Diary of Anais Nin,
Volume Two, 1934-1939, Anais Nin

0 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

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