Thursday, July 27, 2006

[listening to luv will never lie -michael learns to rock]

engines pumping and thumping in time -

mooooooooood swings like whoaaaaaaaaa.....happy sad okie hyper sleepy "in the mood" giggly depressed nothing *nostrils flare*..........*is happy*



so how can you debate with it now?
POOF*



7:00 am,

0 lend me some sugar.

Pain is a good thing. I said something to my mom one time last month and she said "well that is a certain way to not be disappointed ever". What i said was "nothing matters no matter how great it is or how little it is. Everything means nothing and nothing means beyond nothing." Then I said to her "I dont mind if i die today, tomorrow or the day after. I certainly do not want to die, but i wouldnt mind if i had to". She said it frightened her that i said that. But i see this as the truth. Everything is worth nothing in the end. Life is fruitless. So i say live for it today and die tomorrow. But life is life now, and thats why we have insane asylums.


wasn't me.

2 lend me some sugar.

Thought Of The Day...

can you think of some times when we laughed so hard we cried?'

0 lend me some sugar.

Quote Of The Day...

“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.”


Ernest Hemingway quotes

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Truth About Heaven

Walk
past my grave in the dark tonight,
Saw the stone and the note you left
for
me,
to answer your question I just had to leave,
I
just
had
to
leave,

But that's
not why I'm here,
I came
down
here to
tell you
it rains
in heaven all day long,
I
wanna find
you so bad
and let
you
know
I'm miserable up here
without you,
miserable up
here without you

Found my way back in
the dark
tonight,
Couldn't
wake up not right
next to you,
I'd trade
forever to just hear you say
the sound of my name,

Don't
believe that it's
better when you
leave
everything
behind,
Don't believe
that the weather is
perfect the day
that you
die,
Don't
believe that
the weather
is perfect the day that
you
die

I came down here to tell you
it rains in heaven
all day
long,
I wanna find you so bad and let
you
know
I'm miserable up
here
without you, miserable up
here without
you


Don't
believe
that the weather is
perfect the day
that you
die



-Armor
For Sleep

0 lend me some sugar.

"We had no choice." Always "we had no choice." Those are our magic words. We repeat them to ourselves again and again. But you know... the magic never worked!
The only thing we're left with... is regret.

-Yuna

0 lend me some sugar.
Friday, July 21, 2006

and once your memomries are gone you are gone. but ..

ah, well.. it's like it never even mattered in the first place. and maybe it hurt but its your hurt for you to store and keep to (as) yourself. and maybe all you want right now is to forget.. but after that .... whats left of you?

hmm sometimes.. there's so much to learn, so many ways to change, and it will be worth it i think. it is strange to even be superfically happy when most of the time one is not. happiness is overratted anyway. joy is better. ...and as its the end of the day so i guess thats all that matters, because all you've left is your mind and it doesn't really matter if you place it to rest on a shoulder or a fluffy pillow.

aray forget it,
it's almost 7:10am now.
me off to bed now..
you hava good night,
good day ahead. =)


neurotica,

0 lend me some sugar.

Hoeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!




You're a Magical Girl!
You're sugar-hyped, caffeine-hyped, and permanently genki-er than a whole busload of Disney characters on crack. You eat too much, you're a total klutz, and somehow this makes you an ideal candidate for saving the world. If you're really unlucky, you get to get naked in an embarrassing transformation sequence in every single episode, with only a few sparkles and pastel blobs to cover your dignity.


Which Generic Anime Character Are You?

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Kyun Yeh..

kyun yeh..... pyaas see, na bhujhay aankhon ki
aansoon'vo mein dhal gyee, zindagi saansoo'n ki

dharkano ko choo ke dekho, sunn sako gay na phir kabhi
khuwaab bun ke aaonga mei, choo sako gay na phir kabhi

teri baatein teri yaadein, sard raatein woh jull gyein
munzilon ko janay wali, sari raahein badal gyein

kyun yeh pyaas see.. na bhujhay aankhon ki ...

iss ghazal mein, ek pal mein, raat sari pighal gyee
zindagi kya jee sako gay, aansoovo mei jo dhal gyee


kyun yeh.... pyaas see na bhujhay...

lyrics from the song
-by: Shajar Fakhar
here to download: Kyun Yeh.
donwload: Tujhay kya khabar.
[right click and save target as]



[dedicated to _ef]

0 lend me some sugar.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006

'When someone speaks he looks at a mouth, not eyes and their colours, which, it seems to him, will always alter depending on the light of a room, the minute of the day. mouths reveal insecurity or smugness or any other point on the spectrum of character. for him they are the most intricate aspect of faces. he´s never sure what an eye reveals. but he can read how mouths darken into callouses, suggest tenderness. one can often misjudge an eye from its reaction to a simple beam of sunlight.


michael ondaatje ´the english patient´ p219.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

tell me what the wise man said to me.

for one,
wisdom is a gift from God and it leads them in right ways.

for another,
wisdom falls on deaf ears.
it is not wisdom because they do not listen.

for most,
wisdom comes from this world.
they do not know what true wisdom is.



[wasn't me, hehe.]

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Quote Of The Day...

no matter how you try, there's no heaven on earth. and all these things you build are diversions from truth.

saxophone solos

futures spilt. split open on the floating rocks.
to slip together like black masses of seaweed.
look at the stars.
and share with me the essence of this.
stop talking
and listen.

you say you like to touch
i say i'd rather see
proof, and truth, is before our eyes tonight.
you know, it's not all that many steps from the tangible
absorb the time
til it comes to a point.
an early goodbye,
a late farewell.
who are you...really?
truth, you are a friend.
faith, you are the one who makes me want to stop talking
and listen.

Monday, July 17, 2006

woh jo chup tha
khamosh tha...

kaanch kay tukray,
uss ki boond
yaa ghum ki aanch mei
pighalti baraf ki dali...
per zaroor,
zaroor kuch dil mein dabai betha tha..
palkoo'n talay chamak rahi thi
shayad kisi heera'numa see..
zaroor koi cheez ,
aankhon kay jharonko'n mei chupaye betha tha..

woh jo chup tha ..
khamosh tha....
zaroor kuch dil mein dabai betha tha..


[inspired by: "Ghumm ka heera,
dil mei chupa ker rakho..
yeh dunya choroo'n ki hai."]

0 lend me some sugar.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006

[current mood absent]
[listening to You-switchfoot]

just a range of expression it would seem.. all i do is dream.
every clock a different time

im changing. im bored. but mostly im hopeful.. but the absence of poems and lots of questions in place of vague thoughts. .. its been around three weeks and i cannot sleep very well, if at all and when i do it is a fitful, restless sort of sleep.

.. huhha if depression is even the right word for it?
weariness?
confusions?

its just routine kills me and i crave it more n more.
but im alot better than i think i was a month ago.. quite alot... i think.


try as i might my thoughts follow me wherever i go.





and i know i cant spend the rest of my life under a blanket,
or can i?

and i (had to) woke up startled and feeling sick. again.



its all about shit n shit happens.
fcuk you!


neurotica,
6:31am

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Thought Of The Day...

and every day is filled with black holes where negativity, cynicism, and gloom sinks in.. everyday i think of him at least thrice... three thousand times. everyday im missing my optimistic forces.

Friday, July 07, 2006



Butterfly Effect..

not because of who i am, but because of what you've done
not because of what i've done, but because of who you are
i am a flower quickly fading here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean a vapour in the wind
still you hear me when i'm calling
you catch me when i'm falling
you've told me who i am
i am yours.




[STAINS.. memory stains]

0 lend me some sugar.
Thursday, July 06, 2006

why do i always feel like i have to compete with past realtionships?
why do i feel threated by the girls that have come before me?
i hate that feeling. i hate being like this. i know better. its always been my problem with realtionships... yet i keep feeling the same way.

above all i never want him to have to censer himself around me. i want him to be able to tell me everything, even if its about her.. GOD DAMN HER! maybe its because there is always somebody before you who had the power of emotions of your boy... sigh, how strange na,,

Please forgive me, i dont know how to stop being jealous of the past. i know these things arent true with us, and you wont let them happen. you luv me i know,

but my brain is broken.


You are in my world now, Bitch!

[current mood why am i the way i am?]
[listening to bichar kay bhi - call]


mudhosh hon
gum hoon kahin
aao yahan.. yunhi kabhi
khamosh hon, hoon bayqarar
aao yahan, tum ek baar ....




4:47am

0 lend me some sugar.

You, God, who live next door --

If at times, through the long night, I trouble you
with my urgent knocking --
this is why: I hear you breathe so seldom.
I know you're all alone in that room.
If you should be thirsty, there's no one
to get you a glass of water.
I wait listening, always. Just give me a sign!
I'm right here.

As it happens, the wall between us
is very thin. Why couldn't a cry
from one of us
break it down? It would crumble
easily,

it would barely make a sound.



Rainer Maria Rilke

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Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Daddy's little girl smells like ashes.
Daddy's little girl burns like paper.

im always the same person..
but one day you'll never recognize me.
for some reason i crave that. i really am.

its wednesday, july 5' - 03:20
been exactly 140 days today..
the bruises are fading, the scrapes are healing.
but im left wondering, how on earth to nurse my soul?

i luv me, i luv every part of my life that hurts.





i miss you.
like me n mine.

mei tumhay aaj bhi her shaam yaad kerti hon,
meri her shaam ki zard udasi mein tum hotay ho
tum muskuratay ho mujh per..
tum zimmedaar hotay ho ... ..

i cant do anything about that, im sorrie.. aZ! ....
but for what its worth i think you are a great person. :)

0 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

stains..