Sunday, December 31, 2006

[listening to away from the sun -3 doors down]
[current mood calm, sleepy ]

Best of me .. haha. poof

a new year is about to unfold and its funny how things have been for the past year. haha! so many things to remember, millions of events that happened, all these a part of my past. creeped me more insane, more enforced to take pills , more sleepless nights, my dried hair, lost tears and a bunch of goose bumps kept me remember that im a handicapped n will always be the same. indeed! ... the pain i was going though.. the hurt .... but you know the best part? all is gone, hmm all are gone now. im gone beyond everything, beyond every single feeling i got from people whom i gave so much respect, care, gave all of me. the best of me. all is gone. sub chala gaya..bas mei reh gyee. now me, a bit more dead but more focused, blunt, bud'tameez and a lil more self centred. ...seen so many faces of people and sights of life. n i think thats all about the Proud 2006, a whole lotta shit year.

- but above all.. thanks for all the giggles, good time, health, wealth n happiness of my luved ones and all those cherished moments i spent with my family, my stupid selfish sum of friends, for returning my blog, for deleting my blog's four years but not to change the password, voila! for keeping an eye on me, for leaving me behind but not to left me unattended. .... for all the prayers You heard n made them mine, for making me believe that You're still there, listening to us. for all the beauty You brought in me, for all the rights n wrongs You taught me. for giving me tinoOOoo, for all the strength You filled in me, for keeping the faith alive in me, for all the countless reasons i may not be remembering abhi.

moving forward 2007, there's nothing in my mind that i have for material request but hoping that our relationship (Allah mia, my family, studies, my sanity n the urge to do better and myself) will grow more stronger and deeper, may those who are in pain will find happiness, and those who are lost will find the right path. amen.

to everyone, belated merry christmas, the DEAD twosome of quaid's and my xulfee bhai's b'day.. saddam's sSSHhhhh... and a great NEW YEAR ahead for us all! :)
Eid Mubarak idiots!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i missed ...
asef, i missed ayaaz, saba, bushra, darakshan, aatif, xulfee bhai, i missed my luv i had for my friends, the passion of keeping people happy n unharmed, all those deleted entries of my blog. my graveaffair's old password, my habbit of pretending and acting/trying hard if everythings perfectly alright, the habbit of writing endlessly, sleepless nights n my endless romance with darkness. my writings.

*moah*
i luved you so much.
and my luv was so unconditional, you knew it. haina?



and i found ...
a better me. a real couch potato in me (i never thought i'd ever be), nadia's secret haha, my luv with lays french cheese. ..... aur bas, demagh nahe chal raha..aur nahe bata rahi, neend aa rahi hai abhi! i better go off to bed now.



luv,
jia
6:13am

0 lend me some sugar.
Saturday, December 30, 2006

Third world country minion -

we must make sacrifices for what is the most important to us in the end. i know where i place. n i know where i place you.

hmmm.. i will have to learn strength.
more strength, more boosting power of impulsion.


here i am, i know i should be gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
current mood with this teenage enerygy, haha!
listening to jaanay kya -pyaar kay side effects
[right click n save the track here]


good night my fcuking bloody fellow blog.
i hate you for luving me so much.
but now i just basically can't ever tell you anything again.
shayad ... i suspect myself.
*smirk*

5:48am,

0 lend me some sugar.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006

You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how do to fill the emptiness inside
Without love, what is life?

And anyone who knew us both can see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
All this pain, does it go away?

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
To you, to you .....

From memory, there is no hiding place
Turn on the TV and I see you there
In every crowd there's always someone with your face
Everywhere, trying not to care

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye
to all I ever knew

To you, I wish you everythin'
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes,
And even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
The time will come, oh, and I'll move on


I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way to go,
got a long way I know Before I can say goodbye,
before I say goodbye....



long long way to go
by def leppard.
[watch the video here]

-
dedicated to last year's december, january and february of 2006.
and then the seasons gone. :)

1 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

stains..