Friday, January 19, 2007

[current mood fully cherished, full of life, overwhelmed and what not! ]
[listening to far away-nickelback]

adrenalined -

what do you say to a person who.. once, you would have given up your life for but now you detest to the depth and fiber of your very being? - the luv is still there but so is loathing, the jealousy and the pain. he's leaving this morning and i dont know if i should say "farewell. we may still meet in the future. (inshaAllah)" or "good riddance!" ............... :)

sometimes i ask myself is it a sane move to push away the one you luv? only if the one you luv already has become someone else. sigh .. i have trying to bury the thoughts of him, push the memories down to the pits of my acidic stomach, hoping it would die there. but everytime i see him, see his pictures, everytime i talk to him, the damned thing i buried pops up again. i hate him. yes i still luv him!


pata nahe ab phir kub ..... well..
may your mind to be at peace.
may your heart to be full of luv,

and knowin that life is a highway with no signs pointing where to go, and that at every turn there is an exit, may you find not what you want but what you need. and may you always smile, not because it is polite to do so, but because deep inside, you know you are sincerely at peace.

i luv you..
n i will always do.
crazily, immensely, deeply, insanely, passionately.
_if i will always do.


*hugs*



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
[the post is dedicated to jan 19th 07,
2:something pm -to 17 minutes and 41 seconds]

0 lend me some sugar.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Quote Of The Day...

i believe that some of us are like ducks ... it looks calm and cool above the water; but underneath, its tiny feet are peddling hard to stay afloat.

Me? i'm just another duck in the pond!!!

0 lend me some sugar.

Will you walk straight?
We’re not like them
To fool them in,
Make it seem like you're in trouble
Make a sound,
Fake it enough.
What made you so scared?
Maybe you're mistaken for someone who cares

If you remember, remember
I’ve been trying to get back to the center
I’m sure it’s not like it was before

-Circa Survive

0 lend me some sugar.

Drugzoid


Gottagetafix! Gottagetafix! The red glow in your eyes is from the combination of powders and pills you've been slamming down! Its lucky you were manufactured with rubber-padded corners, as you're usually found bouncing off the walls (or sliding down them).


What's your malfunction?

0 lend me some sugar.

...the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

***


What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.

***


We wandered around, carrying our bundles of rags in the narrow romantic streets. Everybody looked like a broken-down movie extra, a withered starlet; disenchanted stunt-men, midget auto-racers, poignant California characters with their end-of-the-continent sadness, handsome, decadent, Casanova-ish men, puffy-eyed motel blondes, hustlers, pimps, whores, masseurs, bellhops - a lemon lot, and how's a man going to make a living with a gang like that?


- Jack Kerouac, On the Road

0 lend me some sugar.
Saturday, January 13, 2007

The Velvet Underground -

Candy says I've come to hate my body
and all that it requires in this world
Candy says I'd like to know completely
what others so discretely talk about

Candy says I hate the quiet places
that cause the smallest taste of what will be
Candy says I hate the big decisions
that cause endless revisions in my mind

I'm gonna watch the blue birds fly over my shoulder
I'm gonna watch them pass me by
Maybe when I'm older
What do you think I'd see
If I could walk away from me

1 lend me some sugar.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007

mei...

woke up late, took my time getting dressed and actually letting myself look halfway nice, rather than being forced to constrain myself to khakis and couple of faded tees. the cold is still there n im hating it like anything, i can't even take bath upon my mood. want to shampoo my hair magar bas... ! you have to say yes to all whatever your weather allows you to! warna you'll end up sneezing badly and your nostrils will turn into niagara falls and those shivers errr fcuk i don't want to feel cold! theres no mood dependency, all you are looking up to is THE WEATHER, hahh. pata nahe kyun ghussa aa raha hai ....

knee is still acting weird, im not getting what to do with it anymore. its all so cursing, bullshit..i don’t want to talk about it.
- bas more caffeine. less whining. knock yourself out for 2/4 hours so that you can get up n do it again. only better, only more, tomorrow. haha.. :)

on other note i've been realizing lately how much i luv going through without ever saying anything substantive to anyone. ghosting through life, my head full of thoughts that are never given tongue. i speak, sure. but actually say anything? not really.

a note to myself: im stronger than i think, more self reliant, just generally happier - silently. independently. think.think.think. keep-that-in-mind-little girl. im here to stay. im not going anywhere.

Love. Pain. Hate. Rain... we're alright, alright
Give. Take. Time. Place... we're alright,

[current mood mmm chai chalay gee?]
[listening to mei - ali azmat]

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

mei ... mei hon asmaan ka baadal,
mei ... mei samandaroo'n ka paani
mei hon ek hawa ka jhoonka
mei hon baat ek unkahi si ..
mei hon jaagta ujaala ...

aao na iss roshni kay shehar mei
rangoo'n ki iss leher mei doobein
jaago na, kyun din mei hai undhaira
kyun hai raaton mein sawaira ..

- lines from ali azmat's mein.

0 lend me some sugar.
Saturday, January 06, 2007

kuch iss terhan teri palkein meri palko'n se mila day
aansoo teray saray 'meri palko'n pe sajaa day ...'



[listening to kuch iss terhan -atif aslam]
[right click here n save the track...]

0 lend me some sugar.
Friday, January 05, 2007



everything is gone but the echo of the burst of a shell
and i'm stuck here waiting for a passing feeling
in the city i built up and blew to hell
i'm stuck here waiting for a passing feeling
still i send all the time
my request for relief
down a dead power line
though i'm beyond belief
and the help i require
just to exist at all
took a long time to stand
took an hour to fall.

0 lend me some sugar.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Thought Of The Day...

i'll shut up now except to say that if New Year's Eve really does predict the rest of your year maybe i will be okie after all. :)

Hallelujah.

0 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

stains..