Monday, February 19, 2007

[current mood cooking for dinner ]
[listening to goo goo dolls -feel the silence]

never have i felt more alone and more hopeful at the same time. i have no way of knowing where this leads, and this sweet feeling of giving up. taking the step towards the unknown fills me with dread. at the same time my heart is urging me to take the leap. and i think life is meant to be lived like this.

i have caused you so much pain. never again will i be responsible for your hearts. and thus knowing this, allowing yourself to be let go and left aside. - for the first time, i will take the fall for you. never have i felt happier. :)

luv is a faded, dusty artifact. i have no need of it.



17:55

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Quote Of The Day...

why does anybody tell a story? it does indeed have something to do with fate
faith that the universe has meaning,that our little human lives are not irrelevant,that what we choose or say or do matters,matters cosmically
-madeleine l'engle

0 lend me some sugar.
Saturday, February 17, 2007

[current mood living a double life is taking its tool on me ]
[listening to ay hairat-e-aashiqi -guru]
[thought of the day ::switch now back on "i dont care" mode]
[line of the day.. when the people are strangers, we will rest here and be]

In Honor of Some Of My Stupid People
human race is doomed through stupidity,
hmm..i am in the water, the shore is nowhere to been seen and i cant hold my head above water any more. im soo tired, i cant keep it up any more. i cant keep myself afloat and no one else is around to help.


i am fighting a losing battle... again
i know the enemy too well yet i dont know how to make him understand, how to bring him down. my adversary, myself, or more precisely, the try-to-be-perfect, stick-in-the-mud-or-up-your-fcuking-ass, .. shucks

you are a version of me who.. who has kept me hostage for all these years, laikin now i am disgusted in your self-righteous stance of A STUPID LIFE yaar. i cant stand still like the way you want me to be with you. zindagi aisi chalti hai kya? ..... mara its funny how you think we would have the capacity to drag it over luv. its actually weird when we actually believe that we want luv to enter our lives but won’t know what to do when it actually arrives. in reality, how much can we let luv affect our lives and how deep can we get into it emotionally without drowning ourselves?

i am revolted. i am sickened even more on my own fear of freeing myself of this bondage of stupid friendship relationships. i longed to be free of fear of what people would think or say...

but i know the truth is, the golden you is afraid of me even more... im well aware. laikin im so very sorrie i cant drag it anymore.




maybe im just one of the terminally angst! but yea, sadly, it can never be taught to luv. - n im done!!

good night yellowlane,
5:44 am

0 lend me some sugar.
Thursday, February 15, 2007


im still hopelessly in love with you.
Belated Happy Valentines. :)

0 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

stains..