Friday, March 30, 2007

Unfaithful -
by rihanna.

[audio to d.load]

1 lend me some sugar.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007

How To Save A Life
dedicated.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


- The Fray.
[right click and save target as]

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Monday, March 26, 2007

what kind of cake are you?


You Are a Lemon Cake
Strong, and overpowering.You know who you are, and you're not afraid to show the world your fabulous self. You're confident, charming, and extremely popular.

take the quiz here: what kind of cake are you?


What Is Your Star Wars Horoscope?


Star Wars Horoscope for Gemini
Like most Geminis, you are a playful little creature.You tend to be extremely curious, craving knowledge but sometimes having a short attention span.For the most part, you are charming and loveable.But at times, you can seem scattered and high-strung.
Star wars character you are most like: Ewoks


Is Your Love Style Passionate or Compassionate?


You Are 54% Passionate, 46% Compassionate
You possess an ideal balance of passion and compassion.You definitely can get swept away and lose your head a little.But you're rarely a fool for love!


What's the Part of You That No One Sees?


You are balanced, peaceful, and sincere.You're the type of person who goes along to get along.And you're definitely afraid of rocking the boat.

Underneath it all, you fear your world falling apart.You'll put up with a situation that you don't like in fear of changing it.
Disruptive and forceful people intimidate you - and sometimes exploit you.


What's your pet name?


What Jia Means
J is for Jujube
I is for Incandescent Eyes
A is for Angel Eyes


what is your monster name?


Your Monster Profile
Basilisk Doctor
You Feast On: Peanut Butter
You Lurk Around In: Candy Factories

You Especially Like to Torment: Your Evil Twin



what drug is your personality like?


Your Personality Is Like Cocaine
You're dynamic, brilliant, and alluring to those who don't know you. Hyper and full of energy, you're usually the last one to leave a party.Sometimes your sharp mind gets the better of you... you're a bit paranoid!

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

Hero -enrique iglesias.

Let me be your hero ...
Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you run and never look back
Would you cry if you saw me crying
Would you save my soul tonight?

Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh oh please tell me these
Now would you die for the one you love?
Hold me in your arms tonight?

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Would you lie would you run away
Am I in to deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care you're here tonight

oh I just want to hold you
I just wanna hold you ..
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
Well I don't care you're here tonight

I can be you hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away
You can take my breath my breath away


-dedicated

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Writing Of The Day...

"I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you -- especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly."

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

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Quote Of The Day.. haha :)

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen.

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Friday, March 23, 2007


sucha ugly pose with whatta handsome set. :O,
[yayy for my new K750i... cheers jia cheers :D:D
mashAllah bolo.. dhat!!! :P

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie

Who and what am I? My answer: I am the sum total of everything that went before me, of all I have been seen done, of everything done-to-me. I am everyone everything whose being-in-the-world affected was affected by mine. I am anything that happens after I've gone which would not have happened if I had not come. Nor am I particularly exceptional in this matter; each "I," every one of the now-six-hundred-million-plus of us, contains a similar multitude. I repeat for the last time: to understand me, you'll have to swallow a world.

3 lend me some sugar.

Fantasies have to be unrealistic. Because the minute - the second - that you get what you want, you don't - you can't - want it anymore.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[current mood asleep ]
[listenng to kuch iss terhan -atif aslam on the loop, cause thats the only song i have on my miserable HD right now]

Rip me into pieces. The humanity of the whole scene was what was so moving.

i think theres something wrong with me. i find myself extremely tired and pale, no matter how much sleep i get. n i keep having really bizarre dreams as well, and i dont like it. ..

i hope that maybe i can figure it out what i want to do with my life soon. it was asked only a few days ago by my bhai what i wanted to be. not what i was going to gain from my studies because if you ask my family they would say i have wasted these two three years of my life. n yea, ofcourse i have my own reasons to answer then. - i have come across telling me that what im studying will not benefit in life. n this worries me. oh c'mon i don't need a job or money right? im not talkin about it ......

i dont fcuking understand, what am i supposed to know? i think im supposed to figure it out and try as many things as possible to feel how cold the water is before i immerse myself completely. i don't know. do you know? i don't think you do. Fcuk, we are all stuffed!



i hate that i don't know how to completely relax, how to just talk to people, how to have decent relationships. i apologize myself.


6:27am

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Quote Of The Day..

What sick ridiculous puppets we are, and what a gross little stage we dance on. what fun we have, dancing and fucking, not a care in the world; not knowing that we are nothing, we are not what was intended.

- dialogue from the movie Se7en.

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Thought Of The Day..

"As for you and your heart and the things you said and didn't say, she will remember them all when men are fairy tales in books written by rabbits"

- one of my all time favorites.

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Quote Of The Day...

far away from home i can hear your silent echos .. i can feel your touch... n smell your fragrance.. yet i cant see you...perhaps you're someone from within.


- someone.

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this is how it is...
we're juggling...
his hands are big and he seems in control...
one after the other - up and down - hand to hand.
...my hands are slick with fear and my eyes are watching constantly...
one slip and they fall... one distraction and they'll smash...
and so i focus solely on this game... keep them in the air. keep them from falling to the ground.
the problem is.... i'm untrained... no one taught me how to master this game... i learn as i go...everyone smiles and claps but i can't see them... the silence is buzzing in my ears....
i'm letting them fall... they're bound to fall...


(the glass is everywhere)

0 lend me some sugar.

why the puritans are fantastic.

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, You have brought me to the valley of vision, where i live in the depths but see You in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin i behold Your glory. let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Your stars shine; let me find Your light in my darkness, Your life in my death, Your joy in my sorrow, Your grace in my sin, Your riches in my poverty, Your glory in my valley. amen.



- stolen.

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'O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.

- yates

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Thoughts Of The Day...

so.. finally i got my offer letter from this australian university this morning. i cant think much of it right now magar i dont know why im so much more content lately. ultimately i think it has been the removal of stressors. i've never been happier to just be me, and be me for myself.

i dont know much of material things but somethings are for sure that i have always wanted from my life and studying to my highest hunger and to gain resources on my own is one of the majors. nothing i want more than to operate my scoliosis. ek chota sa ghar aur.. living a life with so much pride is all i have always craved for, always dreamt up.


i dont know where this leads, all i know is i have a life to be hopeful for. :)
eyes to see the colors in you, ears to listen to you, to breath your words, hands to touch your hands. to feel you all over again.
to be alone all over again.


:)
_____________
ah, nah one more thing
let me make this more clear today:

Delete everything.
Delete my name.
Delete my face.
Delete my contact number.

its not like you ever used them FOR ME anyways.
So, stop spying me here.
IDHER MUT AAYA KARO YOU DUMB***!!
dont look my flickrs, dont check these new shades of lipsticks on my face.
i dont want you to praise the beauty or like my haircut.
i dont want you to stay around as if im supernatural.
i hate you all! i rather give a fc..... no i won't.
i so have other things of note.



bhaar mei jao, aisa karo marr jao!! :D
haha nahe sachi.. FCUK OFF!
chor diya tou chor dou na ..
khatum bas!!

0 lend me some sugar.

Quote Of The Day...

I guess there's only one side of the tracks, When your whole life's been a train wreck. The grass is always greener on the other side, When you only get one life.


- Ben Walker Radio

2 lend me some sugar.

'But anyone with any sense,' I said, 'will remember that the eyes might be unsighted in two ways, by a transition either from light to darkness or from darkness to light, and will recognise that the same thing applies to the mind. So when he sees a mind confused and unable to see cleary he will not laugh without thinking, but will ask himself whether it has come from a clearer world and is confused by the unaccustomed darkness, or whether it is dazzled by the stronger light of the clearer world to which it has escaped from its previous ignorance. The first condition of life is a reason for congratulation, the second for sympathy, though if one wants to laugh at it one can do so with less absurdity than at the mind that has descended from the daylight of the upper world.'

'If this is true,' I continued, 'we must reject the conception of education professed by those who say that they can put into the mind knowledge that was not there before - rather as if they could put sight into blind eyes.'
'It is a claim that is certainly made,' he said.
'But our argument indicates that the capacity for knowledge is innate in each man's mind, and that the organ by which he learns is like an eye which cannot be turned from darkness to light unless the whole body is turned; in the same way the mind as a whole must be turned away from the world of change until its eye can bear to look straight at reality, and at the brightest of all realities which is what we call the good. Isn't that so?'
'Yes.'
'Then this turning around of the mind itself might be made a subject of professional skill, which would effect the conversation as easily and effectively as possible. It would not be concerned to implant sight, but to ensure that someone who had it already was not either turned in the wrong direction or looking the wrong way.'


From Book VII: The Philosopher Ruler (The Simile of the Cave)

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Monday, March 05, 2007

im afraid of overdoing it...
but not afraid of underdoing it.

lately i have been feeling really confused.
about what? nothing in particular.
just, confused.
lonely maybe? no,
pissed off maybe?
really happy to the point i don't know what do with myself maybe?


i need intellect and peace and assurance in my life. but, where do i find that?


~*~*~*~*~
and in some other world of my life there i met a man.. :)
and pretty much, well i want to be more like him. he is wise and when he says something, he means it. ... i like that about him. :)

YOU're just one of the best people i came to know in my entire life. i just want to thank you for opening up my eyes and mind again. you really have made an impact on me in the last few days. you are amazing and soooo trustworthy. i awe you.

this year is going be so quick. it's astonishing, quite frankly.
all the more reasons to go. feels like Allah mia pyaar se dekh rahay hain.. :) *moah*
im quite contented at this stage of my life.
aur ziada kuch ki tamanna bhi nahe..


18:05

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Friday, March 02, 2007

i woke up to the sound of birds out side my window, something you never hear in the city anymore. my room was bit cold, the only sound that of the fan , whirrring, and my own steady breath.

in the space between sleeping and being fully awake may lie the answer to my questions. but my mind is quick to welcome reality. nothing is ever solved by dreaming.

-
i get up and shake my head toward off memories of last night. the hesitation is bearable now. not like last night when it was such an agony to even look you in the face.

nothing is ever solved by dreaming.

0 lend me some sugar.


Feel The Silence -
by goo goo dolls



You lie awake at night
With blue eyes that never cry
All you remember now
Is what you feel

The truth remains
In midnight conversations
I asked for this moment
But you turned away

Sad like a lonely child
Broken the day you're born
I held the light to you
But I was so vain

And you remain
A promise unfulfilled
I ask you for more
But you push me away

And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside
Everything means more now than
Words could explain

And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside us
Looking for something more to say
I don't know where I'm going
Only know where I been
But you move through my soul like a hurricane wind
We've been so lost for so long
I don't know how to get back again

And we're drowning in the water
That flows under this bridge
When you're fighting the current

You forget how to live
And I wanted to reach you but I don't know where to begin
And you remain
A promise unfulfilled until today

And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside
Everything means more now than
Words could explain
And if we feel the silence
Leaving this all behind us
When it's gone what will you say

How do we hold on
How do we hold on
How do we hold on
How do we hold on
How do we hold on

You lie awake at night
With blue eyes that never cry

0 lend me some sugar.
Thursday, March 01, 2007


now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened


- closing lines of "i thank you God" by e.e. cummings.

2 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

stains..