Monday, December 31, 2007

Connor: I'm a cowboy!
Me: On a steel horse you ride.
Connor: Do you want me?
Me: Dead or alive, baby. Dead or alive.

(Ed. note: I would greatly prefer "alive," but was keeping with the Bon Jovi theme.)



_
Stolen

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Sunday, December 30, 2007


[mood silent]
[listening to my comfort remains -(night songs) nusrat fateh ali khan with michael brooks]


and she likes it when you write about her, ha. everyone does you know. good, bad, irrelevant. everyone want to be known, we want to be acknowledged in some manner.




_
and she wish you took her seriously when she said she wanted to spend at least awhile with you.
04:55a

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Ziggy's December ... :)







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Thought of the day..

was happy but happy is an adult word. You don't have to ask a child about happy, you see it. They are or they are not. Adults talk about being happy because largely they are not. Talking about it is the same as trying to catch the wind. Much easier to let it blow all over you. This is where I disagree with the philosophers. They talk about passionate things but there is no passion in them. Never talk happiness with a philosopher.

The Passion - Jeanette Winterson

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Fear of Flying
Erica Jong

P174
Any system was a straitjaceket if you insisted on adhering to it so totally and humorlessly. I didn't believe in systems. Everything human was imperfect and ultimately absurd. What did I believe in then? In humor. In laughing at systems, at people, at one's self. In laughing even at one's own need to laugh all the time. In seeing life as contradictory, many-sided, various, funny, tragic, and with moments of outrageous beauty.

P232
"You're not a secretary; you're a poet. What makes you think your life is going to be uncomplicated? What makes you think you can avoid all conflict? What makes you think you can avoid pain? Or passion? There's something to be said for passion. Can't you ever allow yourself and forgive yourself?"

P395
Why should a bad marriage have been so much more compelling than no marriage? Why had I clung to my misery so? Why did I believe it was all I had?
As I read the notebook, I began to be drawn into it as into a novel. I almost began to forget that I had written it. And then a curious revelation started to dawn. I stopped blaming myself; it was that simple. Perhaps my finally running away was not due to malice on my part, nor to any disloyalty I need to apologize for. Perhaps it was a kind of loyalty to myself. A drastic but necessary way of changing my life.
You did not have to apologize for wanting to own your own soul. Your soul belonged to you--for better or worse. When all was said and done, it was all you had.

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this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear

this is my december
this is my snow covered home
this is my december
this is me alone

and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things that i said to you

and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to

this is my december
these are my snow covered dreams

this is me pretending
this is all i need

and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things that i said to you

this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear

and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to

_
Linkin Park My December Lyrics

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Saturday, December 29, 2007

what a fcuking bad year for the country -


_
i wish i knew better ways to deal with my anger issues besides hurting myself...


not cutting... more like biting, hair pulling, skin ripping... etc .. :/



lets kickkkk n pushhh n coasssst.

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

[im feeling cold ]
[listening to dasht-e-tanhai -iqbal bano]


dear personthatdoesntexist,
my bed is too big. come and lie down beside me and talk? at least for a little bit?


dear world,
lighten the fcuk up.

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Yes, a dandelion
because they are the flower
of wishes. You blow that ball
of seeds and the wind carries them to the one
assigned to grant or reject.
And it's a good thing
that it's the dandelions
who have this power
because they are tough
and sometimes you have to be tough
to even remember
that you have any desires left at all,
to believe that even one
could be satisfied, would not turn
to an example of
"be careful what you wish for,
it might come true."
Maybe that's exactly why
there are so many of them -
the universe gives us extra chances
to keep dreaming.
Each one an uprising,
a burst of color
in the cracks of our hearts,
sunrise
at an unexpected time,
in an unexpected place.


-Ellie Schoenfeld,
"Lucien's Birthday Poem"

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Quote of the day..

The imperfection of languages consist in their plurality, the supreme one is lacking: thinking is writing without accessories or even whispering, the immortal world still remains silent; the diversity of idioms on earth prevents everybody from uttering the words which otherwise, at one single stroke, would materialize as truth.


-Mallarmé

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Fwded email of the day..
by saadia syed :)
_

















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Monday, December 24, 2007



nazrein kahin, dil hai kahin
buntay ho bay'ganay ..
sub kuch hai per,, kuch bhi nahe
tunha hain yeh raahein ...

waada koi poora nahe,
yehi wafa hai kya? ..
souchon mein gum rehti ho tum
yehi saza hai kya? ..
nahe hai yeh pyaar .... jana

nahe hai yeh pyaar ....

________________
[download nahe hai yeh pyaar -haroon]
[download bin tum -OST: dus kahaniyaan]

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[i stray lay's french cheese]
[i sway budnaam -aamir zaki]

The whales likes to touch ..
i just realized i cant go back further than the beginning of december till the end of january. if anything important happened in november or after january 25th, im sorrie message me about it or something.

by the way last night it was pouring outside. :)

oh so tomorrow is Christmas, Quaid's b'day. n most importantly its MIRZA XULFEQAR HUSSAIN aka xulfee bhai's birthday tomorrow. im gonna have a long long day. i guess yea.. well, who knows the little weird me.

_
i miss xulfee bhai
i miss hamster
i miss ayaaz
i miss you _ef
i really do.
really really do.

to all the precious people i met in my life.. all of them have gone now. just between the period of same december n january. i missed you by my side. every bit of my life misses you around. sometimes i still feel incomplete with you.

hehh..these months are the mystery for me. i don't like this translucency of new years in my life.


mei ...jia
5:32a

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Quote of the day...

But I can't say that aloud; I can't tell anyone that I have been waiting for this all my life and that being chosen to wait is the reason I can. If I were able I'd say it. Say make me, remake me. You are free to do it and I am free to let you because look, look. Look where your hands are. Now."


Jazz
Toni Morrison

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Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
by Jonathan Safran Foer

"When Dad was tucking me in that night and we were talking about the book, I asked if he could think of a solution to that problem.
"Which problem?"
"The problem of how relatively insignificant we are." He said,
"Well, what would happen if a plane dropped you in the middle of the Sahara Desert and you picked up a single grain of sand with tweezers and moved it one millimeter?" I said,
"I'd probably die of dehydration." He said,
"I just mean right then, when you moved that single grain of sand. What would that mean?" I said,
"I dunno, what?" He said,
"Think about it." I thought about it.
"I guess I would have moved one grain of sand." "Which would mean?"
"Which would mean I moved a grain of sand?"
"Which would mean you changed the Sahara."
"So?"
"So? So the Sahara is a vast desert. And it has existed for millions of years. And you changed it!"
"That's true!" I said, sitting up.
"I changed the Sahara!" "Which means?" he said.
"What? Tell me."
"Well I'm not talking about painting the Mona Lisa or curing cancer. I'm just talking about moving that one grain of sand one millimeter."
"Yeah?"
"If you hadn't done it, human history would have been one way..."
"Uh-huh?"
"But you did do it, so...?"
I stood on the bed, pointing one of my fingers at the fake stars, and screamed: "I changed the course of human history!"
"That's right."
"I changed the universe!" "You did." "I'm God!" "You're an atheist." "I don't exist!" I feel back onto the bed, into his arms, and we cracked up together."

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Pardon?!! please ..

Gulgee and his wife found murdered in his own house??????!!!!!
his body was found in bedroom, wife's in kitchen and the maid's body in main hall???!



huhhh .......

_______________________________________

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007


untitled.
inside a bubble
by coldplay.

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Y o u*W h o*N e v e r*A r r i v e d
by: Rainer Maria Rilke
(Translated from the German)

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of
the next moment. All the immense
images in me -- the far-off, deeply-felt
landscape, cities, towers, and bridges, and
unsuspected turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods--
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house-- , and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,--
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and,
startled, gave back my too-sudden image.
Who knows? Perhaps the same
bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening...

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Monday, December 17, 2007

[music my own prison -creed]
[mood you dont need to know]

i often wonder, how many of us are aware of our true blueprint?
Palpitating. my hyperactive self refused to take this longer. so here i am, again.

well... so this has been happening to me for the past couple of weeks. i would be in the middle of something... a party, a gathering, in a car, in the street..on the phone ... and i would find myself completely dissociated from my surroundings. it is like, i suddenly wont hear the noise anymore, and also perhaps loose my vision of whats going on... it feels like i am walking around inside an air bubble and i am completely cut off from the rest of the world.

on the other note... yesterday i found myself walking without the brace in my room. n now im experiencing a great pain in my right knee. n it is the pain that showed me the true color of life. can't i just change my body with poor somebody? mujhay pain se problem nahe hai. problem yeh hai kay itni choti se cheez se problem kyun ho rahi hai? ..

i wish my life were carefree n spontaneous.
do you understand - or am i being a bad friend?
what? me? bitter?? nah.


_
okie check out the letter luv letter our servant wrote for his girlfriend. :D




[Stolen: by jia]
05:45a

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labo'n per harf na koi sawal rakhta tha
kabhi mei zabt mein itna kamaal rakhta tha
khabar kya thi mujhay hee woh bhool jaiga
ek ek cheez jo meri sunbhaal rakhta tha...

bichartay waqt bazahir tou kuch na bola magar
nigah se sou sou sawaal rakhta tha ....
suna hai loug ussay ab buhat satatay hain
jis ek shaks ka mei itna khayal rakhta tha`

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Pandora
by Anne Rice

Not twenty minutes has passed since you left me here in the café, since I said No to your request, that I would never write out for you the story of my mortal life, how I became a vampire - how I came upon Marius only years after he had lost his human life.

Now here I am with your notebook open, using one of the sharp pointed eternal ink pens you left me, delighted at the sensuous press of the black ink into the expensive and flawless white paper.
Naturally, David, you would leave me something elegant, an inviting page. This notebook bound in dark varnished leather, is it not, tooled with a design of rich roses, thornless, yet leafy, a design that means only Design in the final analysis but bespeaks an authority. What is written beneath this heavy and handsome book cover will count, sayeth this cover.

I am thinking about your request in writing. You see you will get someting from me. I find myself yielding to it, alsmost as one of our human victims yield to us. I reach now for a victim who is not easy for me to overcome: my own past. I seek now a victim that I have never faced. And there is the thrill of the hunt in it. Why else would I see those times so vividly now? You had no magic potion to give me to loosen my thoughts. There is but one potion for us and it is blood.

How could you have kindled in me this longing to go back, two thousand years, almost exactly - to tell of my mortal days on Earth in Rome, and how I joined Marius, and what little chance he had against Fate. How could origins so deeply buried and so long denied suddenly beckon to me. A door snaps open. A light shines. Come in.

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Saturday, December 15, 2007


mairah with jia pia tia..

[dated: dec 16 '07 -18: something]

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[i stray luved ]
[i sway o re piya -aaja nachle (OST)]
[donwload]

that for the first time in months i felt happy. And it wasn't the pills.
and you believe in God and i believe in orchestras and you believe in chance and i believe in fate and the birds are singing the same songs.



Peace out.
- that random girl that no one really knew

2:53a


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Realization of the day..

i luv the sound of Fajr's Azaan .. man... it haunts me.


_

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So much held in a heart in a lifetime. So much held in a heart in a day, an hour, a moment. We are utterly open with no one, in the end—not mother and father, not wife or husband, not lover, not child, not friend. We open windows to each other but we live alone in the house of the heart. Perhaps we must. Perhaps we could not bear to be so naked, for fear of a constantly harrowed heart. When young we think there will come one person who will savor and sustain us always; when we are older we know this is the dream of a child, that all hearts finally are bruised and scarred, scored and torn, repaired by time and will, patched by force of character, yet fragile and rickety forevermore, no matter how ferocious the defense and how many bricks you bring to the wall.


-By Brian Doyle
From the AMERICAN SCHOLAR
Winner of the Pushcart Prize 2006

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XLV
I know my mind and I have made my choice;

Not from your temper does my doom depend;

Love me or love me not, you have no voice

In this, which is my portion to the end.

Your presence and your favours, the full part

That you could give, you now can take away:

What lies between your beauty and my heart

Not even you can trouble or betray.

Mistake me not -- unto my inmost core

I do desire your kiss upon my mouth;

They have not craved a cup of water more

That bleach upon the deserts of the south;

Here you might bless me; what you cannot do

Is bow me down, who have been loved by you.


Edna St. Vincent Millay

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Thursday, December 13, 2007


maria (my friend) with mahad. awwwe. haha =)

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"Woke up with a full realisation that I had never been human in all my life. By that I mean I never reacted naturally according to my emotions. Of course, it was self-protection, which I rationalised as human: not to hurt others. Cruelty, cheapness, meanness, that is human. Human is evil. Being jealous, indiscreet, possessive, lazy and dependent, exploiting others, that is human. Having compassion and understanding, patience and helping others, all of which is considered human, is ideological goodness. Faithfulness in love is unnatural. Not only god and religion, immortality and morality, is man-made ideology, but love too. The man who acts in reality like a woman - who is a woman following her instincts, he alone is human. It is not because he is evil that the woman likes the "bad man" but because he is natural. It would be more human to throw away all therapy and to be free, not to be bad but to be human, natural. The self-denial which is necessary in order to be good, human, is denial of the bad natural self and is therefore not a sacrifice at all but self-protection, and it is the most selfish thing of all. On the other hand the seeming sacrifice for others is really domination, protection against being too human, and is still giving in to badness by still pretending one is good."

The Diary of Anais Nin,
Volume Two, 1934-1939, Anais Nin

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Shapeshifter
Maureen McQuerry

There is a moment
when the creature seems to disappear.
Nothing remains, but a quivering
in the air, the invisible finger
that runs your ridge of spine

My students ask if it hurts
to become another. We’ve read
the stories of humans furred,
flesh erupting to wings, or scales,
gill-gasp of transformation.

I tell them some are stories of pursuit,
a dove answered with a hawk,
a hare with greyhound as reply.
Pursuer and pursued, their deft dance
that ended once with a grain of corn,
swallowed by a hen who birthed
the storyteller,Taliesin.

But what the students want to know is pain.
That remembered moment when
quills pierce skin, fingernails bleed
to claws. Beyond the window
winter’s first kiss startles the grass with frost.

I tell them yes,
there is always pain at birth or when,
our tent of flesh opens
like a door to the sky,
and something more, you must
lean close to hear
the single note of joy.

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you know yesterday you were there in them. you know that? i know that. but whats the use of it? ... i mean.. kuch nahe. :)

n you thought i don't even know.

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

[i stray strange, dazed]
[i sway (xain's selection (: now its playing 'kiss the rain by billie myers]
[download audio]

n you'll keep pretending like it didn't even cross your mind.
yea .




_


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na raha qaatil ko undesha-e-nadamat
na raha mujh mei josh-e-qayamat

ek junoon-e-barish-e-sung uss ko
ek khoon ka numaaeesh-e-rung mujh ko

kis ko daina hay ilzaam-e-tanhai
na huee mayri judayee , tayri ruswayee

_

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He was playing a character I had invented, which is somewhat telling. In desperate love, it's always like this, isn't it? In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our own partners, demanding that they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.


Eat, Pray, Love
by Elizabeth Gilbert

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

mujhe bay'khudi yeh tu nay
bhali chaashni chakhaiee` ... :)

the smell of places and people once passed by, the black and white colour of dreams, the words which now echo the being are still so raw.

only time will tell where life is headed now.
but everything is better now and should be good soon.



_
"O my dear you're a threat to the bad we all see
I'm beside myself for the...grace of your eyes that can see good in me
...when they say that I'm just a terrible kite
You'll tell them you're proud of my loveless flight"

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Moula..

Mujhe bay'khudi yeh tu nay, bhali chaashni chakhaie
Kisi aarzo ki dil mein, nahi ab rahi samai
Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu nay

Na hazar hai nay khatar hai, na reja hai nay dua hai
Na khayal-e-bundagi hai, na tamanna-e-khudai
Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu nay

Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu nay, bhali chaashni chakhaie
Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu nay

Na maqaam-e-guftugu hai, na mehal-e-justuju hai
Na wahan hawaas pohnchein, na khirad ko hai rasai
Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu nay

Na makeen hai nay makaan hai, na zameen hai nay zabaan hai
Dil-e-benawa nay meray, wahan chawwni hai chayee
Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu nay

Na visaal hai na hijraan, na suroor hai na gham hai
Jise kaheyay khwab-e-ghaflat, so woh neend mujh ko aayee
Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu nay

Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu ne, bhali chaasheni chakhaie
Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu nay


_
Mujhe bekhudi yeh tu nay -Abida Parveen

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APART

As he laid his friend to rest , priests started praying. People started pouring dust on the grave. Slowly people leave , one by one. Talking , whispering – and wondering. As they all left, he will take steps slowly, hoping the journey beyond the gates of graveyard just never starts.

Looking at the faces of those around him he will think many things. Too many questions will illuminate his mind – with no answers insight. Why they conspired to end this poor soul’s life? Why they never tried to know what that little smile wanted? Why they couldn’t let go their own egos? Is it too much to ask from any human to put a smile anyone else? He kept walking with these thoughts in his head till he came across an old man. With curls in his hair , a stick in his hand , the white bearded poor man will just keep walking ignoring the crowd.
‘He mite have an answer’ – he wondered. Walking up to him , he will try to shrug off the idea of letting someone else enter his mind. But, loneliness in a crowd and the pain which it delivers , had the final say.
‘Sir!’, he asked , ‘ can you answer me some questions?’
‘Son , I don’t have any answers. I am finding ones for myself. What can an ignorant person like me enlighten you about?’
‘Tell me, what is love?’ – asked the young man.
‘ Son!’ , replied the old fellow , ‘ Love is when you know , that you don’t know anything. Love is when you wish for , what you will not wish for otherwise. Love is when you go extra mile without tiring at all. Love is when you take a deep dive into yourself while others around you only want to stop you. Love is when you give – and just give.’
Sighed the young man.
‘Tell me sir , I am hungry for love. My soul needs to be nurtured. My heart needs to be fixed. My brain needs to be repaired. Love has deluded me sir. Where shall I find it? Decades have passed now. It has become a holy grail now.’
The old man retorted.
‘ You look for love where? What do you think love is? You think love should heal you? – do you even know what love is?. Let me tell you son. We live in a world of madness. We live because we are asked to live , because we are not given a choice. Now you don’t find love out there , you find it in you. Once you find it in you , you look for a human to cross match. Humans come in all shapes and sizes. Its not an easy journey my friend. It will not be a smooth sailing. But when you find someone whom you think is worth your love. Dump all your love in their hearts. They will take it , but slowly. Love demands patience. Love demands perseverance. Love demands sacrifice. Love demands selflessness. This is what love is. This is what you should yearn for’.
‘You know who is there in that grave?” – pointed the young man to the grave.
‘I dumped my love there. In this cemetery of hopes, I have dug another grave. Another grave, that will remind me that I need love. And these people you watched walking slowly , they are the ones who conspired against it.’

Old man holds his hand and takes him to the grave. Takes shovel and starts digging the grave.

‘Why are you doing this? Let it stay inside’ – he yelled.
Without paying attention to the young man , he kept digging. Till he came across a body , which seemed familiar to him.
‘This is your twin brother?’ – asked the old man astonishingly.
‘No’ , replied the young man , ‘ This is my other half. A half, which wanted to live a secluded life. I buried him , because this is what was right for him.’
‘Do you see this grave?’ – the old man showed him the grave right along side young man’s grave.
‘ this is my other half. We all live like this’ , wondered the old man, ‘ Killing our selves. Rejecting ourselves ideas which can lead us to different plateaus. We all suffer at the hands of our fears. Letting them be our guides. We suffer and suffer till we just become cynical of life , love and relationships. I have suffered the same way but I must tell you. Keep your other half alive. You just never know when you get what you keep looking for throughout your life. You just never know in what shape or form you get it. Stick to what you believe in son , take this better half out and keep it with you. Predators only are predators because they are persistent and they are patient. Be one , before you become a prey.’

While the old man sits beside his gave , the young man takes his buried half out and starts walking away.

Old man looks back and says ,
‘Remember my stranger, never quit on any idea. No matter how difficult or impossible it is. Be like a stream of water, which when flows knows no boundaries. Which when is blocked , finds other routes. This is what love is. Finding and making your own way. Good luck & Good bye.’


Mir.

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Monday, December 10, 2007


w.w pecker by ~faizan on deviantART

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Sunday, December 09, 2007

[mood ]
[music to my ears aa chal kay tujhe -kishore kumar]


when all i wanted was a hug.



18:45

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I found the answers in my room.

Roof said: Aim high
Fan said: Be cool
Clock said: Every min. is precious
Mirror said: Reflect before you act
Window said: See the world
Calender said: Be up-to-date
Door said: Push hard to achieve ur goals.


_
Stolen: from some unknown scrapbook.

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Friday, December 07, 2007

echo persuades us.
the sky turned pink and then purple and then sun went to bed.

i mean - its not like im holding out. i want everything - everyone. like, im not impatient about it. i have faith in it. in luv. im being vague. thats okie. no, you dont need to know exactly what im talking about.

my throat hurts n its full of mucus. talk to me on the phone n you'll know what im talking about. haha


well im not going to lie - i really miss hamster. but at least - well, it's not in that desperate i-need-him-right-now way. just a 'oh-sigh way. less urgent and anxious filled. all in all though, no denying, i miss him. please talk to me. i really want to know how are you doing these days? ... i really want to know if you re alright? ..

its kind of.... disturbing. im... a creepster. for real. a true loner. to the core. i have problems. i just wish i knew what they were.


ironically, this post has a lot of backspaces in it. such is life.

i want to take a hot shower, a panadol, tranquilizer,multivitamin, cup of milk. lie in bed and sleep. leave me alone. n don't leave sms/msgs when im sleeping.

bye.. beautiful. (: muah.


[listenin to koi janay na -ahmed jahanzeb ~ n gowd..im just luving listening to it!]

3:35a

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Quote of the day..

koun milay .. kub milay
yeh na mujhay pata chala hai aaj tuk...
na milnay walay ko.


khurram
friday -dec 6

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For One More Day
by Mitch Albom

feel ashamed now that I tried to take my life. It is such a precious thing. I had no one to talk me out of my despair, and that was a mistake. You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart.

As for what happened in the two years since, there are so many details: the hospital stay, the treatment I received, where I've been. Let's just say, for now, that I was lucky on many levels. I'm alive. I didn't kill anyone. I have been sober every day since -- although some days are harder than others.

I've thought a lot about that night. I believe my mother saved my life. I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you'll never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't.

But there's a story behind everything. How a picture go on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins.

So this was my mother's story.

And mine.

I would like to make things right again with those I love.

0 lend me some sugar.


i am tiger.. hear me roar .....

awww mere paas aa jao ek baar!!! (})))!
jia luves you like ...... ah :/



courtesy: news.uk.msn.com/rare-tiger-cub.

0 lend me some sugar.
Thursday, December 06, 2007



that we're all the same
in different locations
with different situations
but they're all the same
because i love and you love and he cries and she worries
and your stomach grumbles

and my eyes are teary
and i'm beautiful
because you are
and so is the
mirror that reflects him into her and me into you
and i wish i could feel
like this forever.

0 lend me some sugar.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007


In my place - coldplay

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Monday, December 03, 2007

well now,



i suppose silence works best.



i'll just hide here in this little corner.



n look.



n you won't even know im here.




-
For aren't you and i gods?...
i sense in my blood the rotation of unexplorable universes. ...

im mildly emo, n i wish night to come soon. i don't know why.

winter makes me sad n cold (which i dislike). my skin dries out. nails become thick n my cheeks... :/ i wish december n january 25th would end soon. i have been interacting with new n random people lately, which i never appreciated in my life. ah, these artificial lines n trying speaking a good english, making your urdu stances appropriate for strangers..sucks. i hate artificialize myself.

one day i want to wake up with a husband n two baby boys. a ghar n a handsome dog barking outside the door.. zor zor se wali chirping of the finches n a pair of beeeautiful crows sitting on my bedrooms balcony. n ofcourse a perfect body. i think most of my mental ailment starts from here..the feeling of being different from the majority of the world is like...it shreds the little me. almost everyday. most of my study plans fails just because of that. n i hate thinking of myself being so illiterate when i always wanted to soar so high high high.. curse it la . ...but life still is not that bad yar. i should smile more. becasue i have dreams. because i still dreams beautiful. becasue i still wish to mend this very small part of my life. i never asked Allah to change the entire scenery or to change me into someone else. chaliye Allah mia You change my spine n i'll bring rest of the happiness n success myself. i, atleast, want to give it a try.

everything is flying. everything is screaming, choking on its screams. laughter. running. let down hair. that is all there is to life.`


_
Per kya sub kuch kabhi budlay ga bhi? ... :)

_
guzree mud'daton ka sawal
na mayra tarz-e-bay'kamal
na tayra tarz-e-ba'kamal
raha main bun kay khud ik sawal

[the above stanza is stolen from Mir's tranquil-nights`]



[jia sway mei agar kahon -sonu nigam (OST: om shanti om)]
[jia stray .. mundane]

17:12

0 lend me some sugar.

"The Favourite Game"

"When you call me close
to tell me
your body is not beautiful
I want to summon
the eyes and hidden mouths
of stone of light of water
to testify against you

When you call me close
to tell me
your body is not beautiful
I want my body and my hands
to be pools
for your looking and laughing."


Leonard Cohen

0 lend me some sugar.

"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children. To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Ralph Waldo Emerson


-
"...But it gradually seemed to me that I'd made myself believe something that wasn't true. I'd made myself believe that I was fine and happy and fulfilled on my own without the love of anyone else. Being in love was like China: you knew it was there, and no doubt it was very interesting, and some people went there, but I never would. I'd spend all my life without ever going to China, but it wouldn't matter, because there was all the rest of the world to visit... And I thought: am I really going to spend the rest of my life without feeling that again? I thought: I want to go to China. It's full of treasures and strangeness and mysteries and joy."

The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman

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Saturday, December 01, 2007

Godspeed, my friend.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
[i stray ]
[i sway maiqaday -hariharan]
download - [left click n scroll down the page]

wafaa kaisi?? kahan ka ishq jub sir phorna tehra?!

60 seconds of silence is more than long.
The world, as a whole, does not care. ford would still pump out cars nobody can afford, wars would go on, and the world would continue to spin. life as we know it would not change. so why does it matter to me so much? no it doesn't. there’s just the life i want versus the life i have. i have realized a funny thing but so true, sleep never make matters better.


good and the bad and the whole truth.. and the truth you tell your friends opposed to the truth you make yourself believe. the friendship is harder to maintain, and apparently often not worth the effort. hate no longer registers on my brain. no more chasing people..... why do i want to go running around trying to chase people who suck at being a friend? it doesn't add up. i know im not supposed to be perfect. i know i know..


anyhow.. dinner n cooking sounds like fun these days.
blogging sucks like ... i don't know why im here.




dear anaar.. i don't know why you do the things you do? :)

_
Contemplating
becasue the one persone who i want to talk to the most is the person that i shouldn't talk to.

how soon i forget.





(see my sad face?)
_
5:14a

0 lend me some sugar.

Thought of the day...

call me. my number hasn't changed.
CHEAT ME! MAKE ME FEEL LIKE VOMITING!!

0 lend me some sugar.

mere sabar ka na lay imtehaan
meri khamoshi ko sadaa na day

jou tere baghair na jee sakay
ussay jeenay ki tu dua na day

tu azeez dil-o-nazar se hai
tu kareeb rag-o-jaan se hai

mere jism-o-jaa'n ka yeh faisla
kahin waqt aur barha na day

tujay bhool kay na bhula sakoo'n
tujhay chah ker bhi na paa sakoo'n

meri hastaroo'n ko shumaar ker
meri chahatoo'n ko sila na day ..

0 lend me some sugar.

 
written by jia.

  ..so lately i have been in this stay-up-till 7am, ungrammatical, nostalgic, talk to myself. paranoid, insomniac, wide eyed, and a little intense. okie maybe little is an understatement. wish i knew if i wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. if only life could be summarized in one simple word...good or bad. -im too young to be stuck somewhere in the middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. no, i cant write an intro for myself, hence i ask you to read the damn blog. maybe.. you'll find out more through my posts. n in the meanwhile take a panadol handy.. .

tell me you luv me..

Terror Alert Level -

Terror Alert Level

dynasty -

One crow sorrow
Two crows mirth
Three crows a joining
Four crows a birth
Five crows lucky
Six crows cold
Seven crows a secret
Never to be told

mantra -
 

- Lately...

 When I was a child
a story was told
about the devil
and a girl so bold.
He offered her riches,
a fortune of gold,
and lovers abound.
But she lifted her soul,
she lifted her soul clean.
Like the story was told
on a dark country road
the same man appeared to me...

But I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

Now twenty years later
to the place I return where I scorned the angels
for a passion that burned.
There set in a tree
a knot twisted and turned,
the face of a creature Hell bound.
So long ago
could my mind've played jokes on me?
As darkness sets in,
unavoidable sin,
the truth I try not to believe....

That I reached, I reached
through the rain to the Devil's feet.

-by Azure Ray

 

ode to meaning..

_________________

One Tree Hill - New Zealand.
Dedicated to Xulfee Bhai, who chose to die in the Summer of 2003 Oct 7.

calm before the storm

_________________

Numb by Linkin Park

And i know
I may end up failing too
But i know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you..
I've become so Numb...I can't feel you there.

moon phase
 

calculated distractions

broken promises ..

said he: tum jaisay doosron say bhaagti ho aur chupati ho .. wohi mere saath bhi kiya....  "  

~*~  current mood ...

                 

coffee files...

'someone once said...

stains..